People act weird when the moon is full, myself included.
I drift into other lanes on the highway.
I forget words.
Except four letter ones.
Which I spit outta my mouth like discarded sunflower seed husks.
And it's all because I'm so aggravated at....um, well, everything.
And it appears as if the entire human race has joined me.
It's like the whole world has pms and dementia combined.
Full moons have me channeling late comedian George Carlin on the highway when I scream at anyone going slower than me calling them "assholes" and anyone daring to go faster is certainly a "maniac".
Its a no win situation.
The only one driving properly is, well, actually none of us.
Then while making dinner, I cut myself.
When I run to the garage with a dish cloth tightly wrapped around my bleeding finger Daddio bellows "What did I tell ya? I knew this was gonna happen. You think you are some kind of fancy chef tossing those big knives around..I told you...I TOLD YOU.."
(Just for the record, Daddio has been predicting this exact tragic event for over 27 years, every time I cook and he watches.)
I've done a bit of predicting myself over the years buddy...Predictions like "one-a deeze days Alice...POW to da Moon"....
And speaking of POWS to somebody's kisser.....
As Googie was getting ready to leave the house she leaned in to kiss me goodbye.
She's famous for presenting a cheek for a peck...I often follow suit and we'll give a kiss-kiss in the air like debutantes or old Italians.
Today she decided to give me a real peck on my cheek.
And I decided to give her a real peck on her cheek.
At the same time we puckered up and turned toward each other...
SMACK....right on the old kissers.
"EWWWWWWWWWWWW" we screamed in unison, then wiped our mouths.
It's not everyday your daughter tries to French kiss you....
That damn crazy ass full moon.....
(PS...I later sent Googie a text message saying "I kissed a girl and I liked it", I'm sure she read it whilst driving and drifted into the next lane calling the guy she almost sideswiped an asshole.)
When da moon hits da sky like a big pizza pie dat'ssssssssssssssss amore.