Not all SuperHeros wear boots...

Yesterday while driving out of our work parking lot heading for home Googie and I saw a car tipped over sideways.

It had slid into a huge drainage ditch.

As we drove by I noticed a young girl in the passenger seat.

I assumed that she was waiting for help and that the driver had probably gone inside our building searching for some.

She had a cell phone to her ear and as we passed and made eye contact I could see that she was crying.

"Stop" I told Googie "let me check on that girl".

When I got to the car I learned that she was alone and very scared.

She'd moved into the passenger seat to prevent weighing down the driver's side and having the car tip over further.

She explained that was on the phone with her mother, who was stuck at home without another vehicle.

I looked around the almost bare parking lot and wondered just how many people passed this girl and her disabled car as they exited the parking lot...?

Hmmm, that kind of crap burns me up.

We are all in this together...right?

I called one of my coworkers to see if he could help.

Within a couple of minutes the doors opened and a posse of about 6 guys came to our rescue.

The guys peeked and pointed, plotted and planned.

It was interesting seeing their thought processes become words/ideas/actions.

They argued and debated creating one scenario after another as to what might happen to the car if they did a, b or c..

Googie offered to sit in the driver's seat to turn the wheel and gun the car as needed.

Finally after a half hour debate and some serious "lets give it our all"  (in some damn ass frigid weather) the guys came to the conclusion that "dis car ain't goin nowhere"...

And a tow truck had to be called.

We had a couple of stops before going home, as we ran our errands Goog and I made small talk with clerks and strangers who were equally screwed during this recent snow/ice/sleet storm aptly named (by my friend) Snowmageddon.

One told tale of being stranded on a freeway and having a truck pull up and it's inhabitants ask if she wanted their help..why, yes of course, she needed some help ... so before the truck driver did a thing he asked her "you got a little something for me...?

Sonofabitch...

The woman telling the story said she offered to pay Mr. Popmous-AssMoFo five dollars, it was all she had in her wallet.

(we think it was money he was asking for...then again, you never know)

Well five bucks wasn't enough for this good Samaritan..so he left her stuck and stranded and went about his merry way to help someone with a bit more to offer him.

When I hear a story like that one thing comes to mind...KARMA.

Just as we were making our second to last stop Googie and I ran into another stuck car...this time there was a young couple inside.

"Mom" Googie said jumping from our parked car "lets do it"...

We are WOMEN (after all) hear us roar...(tee-hee).

So we pushed and we pulled, rocked and rolled and at one point during this courageous rescue Googie looked like she was shaggin...(for those not living in a gawd forsaken frozen wasteland like Michigan at the moment "shaggin" is bumper riding, which is to hang onto a moving car's bumper and "ski" along a patch of ice and/or snow...a "sport" mostly enjoyed by idiots young guys.)

By the time we got that car out, Googie's cute hair was a mess. Her beautiful  red wool coat was dirty and her ballet slipper shoes were covered in snow..

Googie's teeth chattered she was soooo cold.

Later, I lectured her about the importance of a good pair of snow boots, especially valuable while performing SuperHero antics.

She payed me no attention at all.

Snowmageddon 0 Googie 2

Googie's winter foot attire... I was happy she choose to wear these instead of her usual flip flops.

Lickity spit....

Googie, Trouble and I made a trip to the bank on Friday.

She's bonafide now (working 37.5 hrs per week,  her first "grown up" job) and needed an account where her checks could be auto-deposited.

We waited in a small vestibule for a bank employee to wait on us.

While we were waiting a young boy ran up and jumped into a chair next to me.

He began an excited chatter... sadly not a one of us could understand a thing he was saying.

I assumed he was foreign.

He talked so fast and was so full of life it was impossible not to laugh at his antics.

In the middle of one of his long animated monologues I thought I caught a word I recognized...

"Winjafurtil" the little boy said.

"Ninja Turtle" ? I asked.

His little head bobbed up and down.

Once he got that I got him there was no shutting him up.

We heard about "Fwedir" (Shredder, a Ninja Turtles worst enemy).

and "Fwinter" (Splinter, the Ninjas' Sensi).

They carry "fords" and "fwite" baaaaaaaaaaad guys." the small boy explained.

Soon the adorable chatter box got called away by his very distracted mother and Googie and I were called into the little cube office of the bank's Assistant Manager.

Right off the bat Googie let this guy know that she is deep down a pioneer woman who has a fear-filled and severe dislike of financial institutions of any kind (a little misunderstanding between Googie and her debit card some time back..and that's all I'm gonna dish about that particular matter, I don't want to get hit up side the head with her washboard)...

Anyway...

She told the man that she wants a no frills account. And to reiterate her point she said "They put my money in and I want to take my money out" said Goog "Simple as that. I don't want an ATM card, I don't care about a penny or two of interest, I don't want a credit card, I don't need a passbook, or a ledger, or anything that I have to read and be confused about.... To tell you the truth Sir, I really wish to just put my money under my mattress...but the company I work for has insisted that I have direct deposit"....

"Well then" the man said "I'll be right back, I've got to grab some papers that will get you started".

Googie pulled out her hand sanitizer, gave me a squirt and then in true germaphobe fashion gave herself another dollop.

(One can never be too safe you know).

Soon Mr Assistant Bank Manager was back and shuffling a nice sized pile of papers...

Googie had some papers to sign.

I almost told her she could sign with an X, since pioneer women usually weren't too educated and didn't ever sign anything..(but I (wisely) thought it best to keep my corny jokes to myself).

Googie and I watched as the man prepared the papers.

He appeared to be having some trouble separating them.

As we watched he put his hand toward his face, tipped his thumb sideways and drug it across his waiting tongue.

Ohhhh sweet Jesus...No he did not just slather his thumb with spit.

Ummm yeah, he did.

He licked his thumb and soaked it with spit and then he touched it to the papers.

Then he attempted to hand the wet paper to Googie.

The look on her face was priceless.

I dug my nails into the palm of my hand to keep from exploding into hysterical laughter.

He did this over and over and over,  until each and every paper had been filled with his DNA and everything in his pile had been X'd.

I didn't dare look at Goog, but I could feel her shaking.

At one point we both started laughing...

I said something dumb like "oh, we're really excited that she's getting an account"..which made us laugh even harder

Just as I was feeling really sorry for poor germ infested Googie the Bank's Assistant Manager turned his attention toward me and said "I'm going to give you a business card too, if I can help either of you, don't hesitate to call".

He beat me to his card holder...

and like a slow motion shoot out in the movies

I wanted to scream NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

instead I sat powerless and watched as he slurped up his thumb one last time and soaked the business card he was about to give me.

I let him lay it on the desk.

Hoping it would dry a bit before I had to touch it.

When I thought neither of them was looking I reached for the card.

Using the edge of my fingernail I inched the card toward me.

I felt Googie watching.

That was all it took...

The laughter damn burst.

I gave another stupid excuse for our giggles as we made our way out of his office.

(I looked around for the bald guy from Candid Camera... or MTV's Boiling Point staff)

That really really didn't just happen...?

Googie and I tumbled out the door and made it to her car before she lost some tears and I lost some pee.

I sat on her bank papers...a little moisture never hurt anything..right?

Pssssst...Pass the Purell

BFFs

I've been having nightmares lately... like last night I woke up and thought the ceiling fan was a tarantula.

My heart pounded so hard I thought it was going to wake the dead Daddio.

Once I'm awake it's hard to let go of the thoughts in my head.

Thoughts that swirl, twirl, twist and grow more gigantic as I think them.

So after the tarantula fan turned back into a regular fan and my heart was naturally de-fibed back to a more regular beat I started thinking about Googie's getting married.

And then I didn't want to go there.

Not yet.

I still have a little more than a year.

Googie planned it that way.

It will take us that long to wean.

No, I'm not still nursing.

But it seems like just yesterday I was.

When Googie was a little girl we used to talk often about her lack of a sister.

Maybe it was because I was so close to mine?

Whatever it was, she missed not having one.

And voiced it.

A lot.

And it made me feel sad and guilty.

Not so much that I wanted to give her one...but still, I do like to fix things.

Especially longings of my children.

One day a five year old Googie was being particularly sad about being sisterless.

And so on her pity pot was she that she also claimed she was friendless as well.

Of course seeing my daughter in such emotional distress I came up with an idea.

How bout I be her best friend and sister???

My name would be Betsy.

And we would have all kinds of sister fun.

And best friend fun.

When we were alone Googie would ask if Betsy could come over and play.

She and Betsy would jump on beds, eat ice cream covered with chocolate syrup and crushed Oreos for dinner.

They would color and sing.

And watch movies and build forts with the couch cushions.

And tell secrets.

Especially about hating boys.

Googie and Betsy were best friends, as sisters often are.

Over the years Betsy came often, well, whenever Googie needed her, she was there.

And like lots of things that sit on a shelf and remind us of our childhoods' Betsy has a place in Googie's heart.

And I know she always will.

Googie even made her a card the other day.

Googie and her class were making cards for people they love.

Here is the one she made for Betsy.

The oh so beautifully decorated envelope...and below, the card inside.

 "MOTHER DEAREST" ????

WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ?????????????????

And all this time I thought I had her fooled.

Bark at the moon...part duex

I knew it, I just knew Daddio was wrong when he answered no to my question "is the moon full?"

People act weird when the moon is full, myself included.

I drift into other lanes on the highway.

I forget words.

Except four letter ones.

Which I spit outta my mouth like discarded sunflower seed husks.

And it's all because I'm so aggravated at....um, well, everything.

And it appears as if the entire human race has joined me.

It's like the whole world has pms and dementia combined.

Full moons have me channeling late comedian George Carlin on the highway when I scream at anyone going slower than me calling them "assholes" and anyone daring to go faster is certainly a "maniac".

Its a no win situation.

The only one driving properly is, well, actually none of us.

Then while making dinner, I cut myself.

When I run to the garage with a dish cloth tightly wrapped around my bleeding finger Daddio bellows "What did I tell ya? I knew this was gonna happen. You think you are some kind of fancy chef tossing those big knives around..I told you...I TOLD YOU.."

(Just for the record, Daddio has been predicting this exact tragic event for over 27 years, every time I cook and he watches.)

I've done a bit of predicting myself over the years buddy...Predictions like  "one-a deeze days Alice...POW to da Moon"....

And speaking of POWS to somebody's kisser.....

As Googie was getting ready to leave the house she leaned in to kiss me goodbye.

She's famous for presenting a cheek for a peck...I often follow suit and we'll give a kiss-kiss in the air like debutantes or old Italians.

Today she decided to give me a real peck on my cheek.

And I decided to give her a real peck on her cheek.

At the same time we puckered up and turned toward each other...

SMACK....right on the old kissers.

"EWWWWWWWWWWWW" we screamed in unison, then wiped our mouths.

It's not everyday your daughter tries to French kiss you.... 
 
That damn crazy ass full moon.....
 
(PS...I later sent Googie a text message saying "I kissed a girl and I liked it", I'm sure she read it whilst driving and drifted into the next lane calling the guy she almost sideswiped an asshole.)
 
When da moon hits da sky like a big pizza pie dat'ssssssssssssssss amore.
 
 

This stunningly beautiful photo shamelessly stolen borrowed from this website....Nick Honachefski of CourierPostOnline(dot)com. (Thank you sir..I hope I don't owe you any flow, cause at the moment I'm quite broke.)

Dolls....

"We say that a girl with her doll anticipates the mother. It is more true, perhaps, that most mothers are still but children with playthings." 

~ F. H. Bradley

When I was five or six I got a Thumbelina doll for Christmas. I'd been begging for her for months. She was a sweet pint sized doll, with golden hair and rosebud lips, and I loved her like no other.

Later, I begged for and got a new doll.

She had golden hair and rosebud lips too.

I took her everywhere with me.

Just like my other doll, this one was nice to sleep with.

"Most mothers are still but children with playthings."

I'm beyond blessed to have a doll like this...I love her like no other.