Googie has been suffering from some stomach problems and was advised to get a colonoscopy. Yesterday was the big day. Both of us were dreading the prep done the night before the procedure. As we expected she almost didn't make it through.
She tossed out at least two cups of the laxative laden Gatorade, pleading ....."no more".
She was sooooo green, I had to agree.
In the morning we didn't speak too much on the way to the surgery center, I did reach my hand over the seat a few times to hold her hand.
When we got to the front desk to check in Googie was carded..."you are 18, right?" the desk clerk asked.
At 4'11" and 90 pounds Googie fools lots of people.
It didn't take long for a nurse to come and get her to take her in back to change into a gown and have a quick interview with the doctor who would be doping her up.
He commented, jokingly "all of 90 pounds, huh? Won't take much to put you under."
When the prep nurse came to get Daddio and I she apologized in advance for hurting our girl.
"Her veins are so small, and she is so dehydrated it took me three tries to get her IV in. I ended up having to get one of the docs to do it" she explained.
Googie was being a good sport. I knew she had to be hurting, I could see swelling and bruising on her little hands.
"She's a trooper" said the nurse.
Yeah, this kid who had refused to swallow a pill until she was 20 was surprising us all.
We had a lot of time to joke around in the room waiting for them to come and get Googie and after more than an hour with empty stomachs (in support of Googie) and frazzled nerves Daddio and I began to snipe at each other.
Seinfeld character George Constanza's parents or Everybody Loves Raymond's Marie and Frank Barone quickly come to mind.
"Your mother is a know it all" he informs Goog.
"If she were in that bed she wouldn't need the doctor to put her to sleep" Shecky Green joked "she wouldn't even need the nurses to push her down the hall, her arms would reach around back and she would even carry her own IV pole, while pushing pulling herself (and the bed) along the wall, with one arm".....
(Arrrghhhhh shut up you idiot.)
They finally came to take her away and fifteen kisses later my girl was being wheeled down the long hall and Daddio and I were ushered back to the waiting room.
"See you soon" the nurses said.
My legs shook, and bounced and were restless.
And I asked Daddio at least ten times if 15 minutes had passed yet.
After the 10th time he said "relax, it hasn't been that long".
I started watching the door like an expectant father in the old movies....every time it looked like someone was walking out I sat forward in my seat.
Finally, they came for us.
I tried to read the nurses face, to see if Googie was okay.
"How is she" I asked.
"Ohhhh, she's enjoying her anesthesia" was her response.
Daddio and I walked into the room and Googie was slumped sideways on her hospital pillow, her eyes tightly closed and a grin from ear to ear.
It was obvious that Googie was not only fifty sheets to the wind, she was loaded and stoned.
Her antics had Daddio and I cracking up. The nurse was laughing too.
With her eyes closed she'd use her IV heavy hand to search the tray for a cookie, she'd finally locate one, bring it to her mouth take a bite and then forget to chew.
"GOOGIE!!! You are gonna choke. Sit up and chew" I ordered.
She just giggled.
And waved her arms in the air, making circles with both wrists.
"I luuuuuuuv this stuff" she slurred.
The Ellen show was on in the background and when Ellen started talking about people who were graduating Googie took the message personal and started her little fist pumping.
Up and down she pumped.
Then she started waving only one hand and when I asked her what she was doing she replied "conducting".
The dope doctor came in to check on his pint sized patient. She was laughing pretty hard when he came in and when he asked her "how ya doin?"
She answered "YOU tell me!!!!" then giggled.
"Ohhhhhhh boy" the Candy Man said.
"This is just like a regular Saturday night!!!!" Googie yelled.
"She doesn't drink, honestly she doesn't" I truthfully said, trying to clear Party Time Charlie's name.
The nurse told us to take it slow getting her dressed.
Daddio said he'd go warm up the car and pull it around front to pick us up when we were ready.
I helped Googie's underwear onto her feet and she came around enough to pull them up. Then came her yoga pants. When she had them pulled over her hips she kicked off the blankets and spread her legs widely side to side. If she were on the floor she would have been doing the splits.
"GOOGIE!!! What are the heck are you doin???" I asked.
"Stretchin mom, I'm stretchin".
She slap happily staggered to the waiting wheel chair and on the way down the hall she had a few more words to say to nurses getting in our way.
"Excuse us" one said politely, pushing another patient by.
"NOOOO EXCUSE US!!!!" Googie yelled.
The nurses looked knowingly at each other and laughed.
Googie came home and slept off the rest of her high.
Ohhh, a couple more things before I end my story......
1. Googie's colon is sparkling healthy.
2. God is Good!!!!!
3. And Googie now knows she can fly, minus wings.