Monday, May 3, 2010

Butterflies, daffodils, lip gloss and a chess playing beaver....

Well howdy do der, it's Monday and if I recall I promised that if you tuned back in on Monday I would share with you my nightmare.

I've always been a big dreamer, a daydreamer mostly.

I'm quite sure that is why I wasn't the greatest of students.

Every report card from my youth said basically the same thing, Elizabeth likes to talk and daydream. She could and should be doing better.

Who cares about times tables or nouns when there are butterflies soaring and daffodils dancing right outside your classroom window?

Or in junior high, an interesting hairdo or lip gloss shade to try and dissect, sitting right in front of you????

Not me, that's for sure.

The dreams of my slumber are not nearly as calming or enchanting.

I'll never admit to being so whacked out that I dream about watching Abe Lincoln and a big beaver play chess...(ever see that commerical???)

So I'll say I mostly dream about real stuff.

Like this.......

Frozen with fear, a deer in the headlights.

I'm trapped like an animal in a cage.

Unable to escape.

The anticipation of the wait makes me squirm and I try to sink down low, low enough to be out of sight.

I wish to slip off my seat onto the floor where I can slither like a snake against the wall until I reach the door.

Then disappear completely and forever.

Out of the corner of my eye I see him preparing.

Blue gloves covering his hands, he's holding instruments of torture.

There is no turning back.

This man has hurt me before, plenty of times.

And I hate him.

My heart beats in my mouth and in my stomach, adrenalin is cursing through my veins like a speeding train threatening to blow through my fingers, which are tingling and trying to disappear into my sweaty palms.

I feel my nails making gouges in my skin, and for a second wonder why I let them get so long.

The self inflicted pain, I control.

The other, about to come, is his to control.

My chest is almost heaving, my breaths so rapid.

I try to quiet myself so my fear isn’t noticed.

I close my eyes and begin a Hail Mary.

“Open wide” the doctor says.

When I'm done he attempts to give me something to take my mind off the abuse.

A  new purple toothbrush and a clean bill of dental health.

That's hardly worth the year of my life I lost anticipating, through nightmares, my visit with him.

Five and a half months from now the nightmare begins again.....


  1. I am so glad to know that I am not the only one with Dentist nightmares. Oh, how I loathe thee, dental check-ups.

  2. Everyone thinks I'm insane because I would truly rather go to the dentist than visit the hairdresser - my own personal nightmare. However, that picture of the hairy forearm disappearing into a tight blue glove is pretty horrifying, so I'm not surprised you can't sleep at night!

  3. No Jessi, I think there even is a real true phobia named for this fear.

  4. Nicola you write...
    "the hairdresser - my own personal nightmare"
    THIS is exactly why you have been lead to me. I AM a hairdresser since age 17. You've been lead to me so that I may show you that we are not all evil crazy barbers like Sweeney Todd. See dear, you have nothing to fear. xo

  5. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrggggggghhhhhhhh!!!!!


    I haven't had my hair cut by anyone other than my mother for 20 years. I am sorely tempted to catch a red-eye flight to the US just so that you can get your hands on my flowing locks, but there's something about the way you say "see dear, you have nothing to fear" that makes me think you're rubbing your hands together and laughing maniacally. Guess who's going to have nightmares tonight? ;) xo

  6. You poor baby...what is it that scares you so?

  7. Great, vivid description. But I was picturing a serial killer, you his victim. I had to laugh when it was the dentist! Not my personal fear, mine is of drowning.


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