Tuesday, May 24, 2011

On choosing well...

I write a lot about Daddio and all his "unique" ways.

I poke fun at the way he pisses and moans about every aspect of his clothing, how it fits, the wrongness of the coloring, the way the tags taunt his delicate skin.

I make cracks about his odd eating habits...

Like not eating meat that is too meaty and how he wants to become a vegetarian..even though the only veggies he likes are corn and peas.

Yes sir'ree bob, that man provides me with lots of fodder for my blog.

And personal tickles for my funny bone.

All that silliness aside, Daddio is a good father, a damn good father.

In all ways that a man should be a daddy, Daddio fits the bill.

Yesterday Googie called me from her cell phone "mom" she said "my tire blew out and I'm stuck on the side of the freeway"...

Googie was in a work van, which has emergency roadside service... she followed the directions for getting help and was patiently waiting.

I called Daddio to fill him in on Googie's plight.

"Your kid is stuck with a flat tire on the side of the expressway" I said.

"A masked madman has your daughter. She's being held by knife point on the side of the road in the bowels of Detroit, she is alone, scared, and she just ate her last Rice Krispie Treat!!!!!!!!!!!!! " was what Daddio must have heard...

It couldn't have been more than five seconds later that my cell phone rang again...

"Mom...." Googie said." dad is here".

We both told Daddio that a tow truck and a very capable driver was on their way to rescue our fair damsel from her distress...

Obviously... that designated person was not good enough, and Super Daddio came to her rescue.

Like a mom friend of mine said "when a princess is in trouble no one moves faster than her daddy".

Today I have a very sore shoulder muscle...

( I spent all last night patting myself on the back)

"Boy oh boy did you choose a good man to make kids with" I said to myself over and over and over again!!

poo-poo-pee-dooodly-dooo (and all that jazz)

Happy Tuesday...


Thursday, May 19, 2011

A good ending to a rather horrible day...

Boy oh boy life sure has a way of getting in the way of writing a blog.

Marmie (my mum) called yesterday to ask if I may have fallen off the face of the earth.

(of course, she breathed a sigh of relief when I answered)

"Where have you been?" she asked "you're not writing your blog"...

I was flattered she noticed.

Yesterday Googie had a second endoscopy exam. This time the doctor used a longer scope in order to get wayyy down deep to take some biopsy(s).

Unfortunately for all of us, but especially for Goog the scope turned out to be too short to complete the mission.

And that means another one will need to be done, possibly at the University of Michigan hospital where I understand they have really, really long scopes.

Googie was put into a twilight sleep for the procedure.

I've written before about how silly Googie is when she's hopped up on sleepy gas.

This time none of us were laughing as she could barely open her eyes and she was struggling to breathe.

"You aren't going to send her home until she is much better right" I said to the nurse.

I run for back-up assistance in placing a band aid over an insect bite... don't send me home with a kid struggling to breath...

No, we're staying with the experts until she got back to something resembling normal.

At one point during her recovery tears puddled, then rolled down the sides of her face.

Then she started laughing and asking about hemorrhoids

(I guess those paper thin curtains in the recovery room don't allow for much privacy as she was obviously listening in to the conversation going on "next door")...

Poor Googie suffered a severe sore throat from the procedure,  all she could do was suck on chopped ice, shed a few tears and try to sleep.

Life was pretty sucky yesterday.

And to make matters worse (sorry Trouble) I'd agreed to drive Googie to see a choir concert.

Choir concerts don't do much for me...

I'd much rather spend an hour in an ice bath.

This concert was Trouble's last hurrah, he's been student teaching this group for several months.

Almost immediately I could tell that this concert was going to be different...the kids were dressed in long gowns and tuxedos.

Trouble had scored us some wonderful (comped) seats,  just before the risers, feet room aplenty.

When Goog and I sat down someone around us had the most delicious perfume on.

I put my nose in the air and sniffed for all I was worth...heavenly, was how that woman (man?) smelled.

Like a dog, I kept tilting my nose upward, sniffing deeply.

I almost had Googie convinced to start asking the women around us what they were wearing, then the concert started.

The professional orchestra played a beautiful piece while the teen students harmonized and solo-ed right into the audience's heart.

I knew Trouble was working with one of the best choir directors in the state...

But I never expected to find myself knocking on Heaven's door... between that perfume wafting through the air, my extended legs and those angelic voices.. I seriously thought that at any moment I could be greeted by, and escorted through the Pearly Gates by Saint Peter.

WOW... simply awesome.

This school's choir director does something special for the senior students and their parents.

The parents are asked to come up on stage, they are seated with their children standing behind them.

"Get your tissues ready" a student says over the microphone.

"I see trees of green......and red roses too" the kids begin to sing A capella

"I see em bloom....for me and for you"

"And I think to myself....what a wonderful world".....

The parents reached behind their seats and took their children's hands, the kids bent forward and hugged their parents...

and all of us cried.

Blubbered may be a better description.

I'm not a public cryer... but I had absolutely no control over the tears that spilled down my cheeks.

It was one of the sweetest things I've ever seen.

On the way out of the concert Googie turned to me and in her raspy little voice whispered "Mom, Trouble has sooo got to steal that idea".

Running to the car dodging puddles of rain with my best girl (upright and breathing just fine) next to me... brought one thought...ooooh yeah, what a wonderful, wonderful world.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Feeling hot hot hot....then not not not

Yesterday (Sunday) the sky sprinkled, flung, poured buckets of cold water all over everyone and everything that dared to walk under it.

It's the freakin middle of May.

But this is dreary ole Michigan.

Where, I've read, is the only place you can get both a sunburn and frostbite in the same week.

Tru dat....

Saturday night my eyes sprinkled, flung, poured buckets of salty water all down and over my puffy, red cheeks.

I got to thinking that soon I'll be in a forced retirement type situation (when my two kids fly the coop at almost the same time.)

I'm being forced to "quit" my favorite job ever.

It's the only thing I ever "did" really well.

Suddenly and seemingly right out of the blue that fat fuck Father Time has said I'm done.

"Your work here is no longer needed".

"It's time to mosey on down the road toward the next chapter of your life"

On Sunday morning when I told Daddio about my dissolving into that big, huge puddle of woe is me behind the bathroom door he looked at me kind of strange, patted my head and said "well, you still have me to take care of".

It's the freakin middle of my life.

But this is dreary ole Menopause.

Where heatstroke and brain farts and woe is me personal rainstorms come about... hummm, when they damn well feel like it.

Thanks for listening....

*** EDITED.... to add,

Bear just told me, not ten minutes ago, that last night he hit a car that was backing up at the same time as he....the cop said "you'll get something in the mail in about 10 days.."

Really now...

You can take this job and shove it, I ain't workin here no mo.....

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Sunshine on a cloudy day.....part one

I've got sunshine
On a cloudy day.
When it's cold outside,
I've got the month of May.

Well, I guess you'll say
What can make me feel this way?
My girl. (My girl, my girl)
Talkin' 'bout my girl. (My girl)

I've got so much honey
The bees envy me.
I've got a sweeter song than the birds in the trees.

Well, I guess you'll say
What can make me feel this way?
My girl. (My girl, my girl)
Talkin' 'bout my girl. (My girl)

Ooooh, Hoooo.

Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, hey, hey.

I don't need no money,
Fortune or fame.
I've got all the riches, baby,
One mom can claim.

Saturday found Googie and I in the car heading to a very expensive shopping mall... our goal, one perfect mother of the bride dress.

We made a pit stop at the bank.

I ran in, Goog waited in the car.

When I was finished and hopped back into the car I saw a card sitting on the seat.

A beautiful Mother's Day card.

In it she wrote something sweet, like usual.

When I turned to give her a smooch she had her hand held out toward me.

In her little paw was a pile of $20's...

5 to be exact.

"Some wiggle room for your dress mom" she said with a big smile "they are expensive and I want you to get what you want. If you find a not so expensive one, I'd like for you to spend whatever is left or the whole thing on some perfume".

"GOOGIE!!!!!!!!! AmeriCorps pays you two bucks an hour, it takes forever for you to make this much money!!!!!!!!! I can't take this from you!! I can't"...

"I'm not taking it back mom...it is for you, you deserve it"......

Wow.... sunshine on a cloudy day...my girl, I've got all the riches baby one mom can claim.

(And that my dear friends is called a mo-fo AWESOME, I can't believe that I've raised such a wonderful, generous daughter moment... I hope you too have one of those one day...all the riches baby, one mom can claim)


Thursday, May 5, 2011

Labor pains....

Soon, I'll be reinventing myself.

Like so many other times during life, big changes are a comin...

My feelings go back and forth when I see four pairs of shoes resting on my entryway floor.

Arrghhhh...can't they put their shit away...?

oh dear...this time next year there will be no clutter left there.

Okay, so who in the hell wants to trip over four pairs of shoes anyway?

Next year, the answer will be "me"...I'm sure.

When Bear was a wee boy he was so connected to his wonderful, loyal best friend (that would be ME..tee-hee) that going to school and being away from his bff was tantamount to chewing aluminum foil with a mouth full of fillings (you said "ouch" didn't you?)...

Bear was in some serious pain during our early years of separation.

The scenes played out in our home daily, the crying, the pleading, the "I can't leave you momma, I'll miss you too bad it's too many hours at school, too many hours away from you" just about killed us both..(but on a level or two I secretively loved it).

I used to joke that Bear was the perfect "last child", the perfect birth control... and that when I was finally able to pry him off from around my neck (where daily his little arms would lock when I'd try to deposit him in his classroom) ...that I wouldn't be doing that again.

Nope, no more kids for me.

Bear and I used to read the story The kissing hand... in the story the mother would kiss the hand of her baby and leave a mark...the mark would help the baby to know that his mama was with him whereever he went..(don't quote me..it's been a while)..

Often I'd lube up my smackers and plant one on his tiny hand...

When that tactic stopped working I thought up a new one,

and another new one,

and another new one,

and another new one....

One of the last things I did to help Bear navigate this big scary world without me was to spritz some of my perfume on a little stuffed animal that he would carry in his pocket...

When he needed a best friend "fix" he'd pull the small bat out and take a whiff...

And I'd be there right next to him.

"Batty" has a home in Bear's underwear and sock drawer.

He's buried deep and long forgotten, I'm sure.

The other day I asked Bear if he knew where Batty was....

"Why ma" he asked "you gonna squirt him up with some perfume and send him off to college with me?"

No Bear actually, I was hoping you would spritz him up with some of your cologne and gently tuck him in my pocket.

I'm really gonna miss tripping over four pairs of shoes in my entryway.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Well look what the hell the cat drug in....

The last time I updated this blog I noted that I'd caught Bear's virus... I caught it so bad in fact, that my doctor gave me a week off work.

A whole week off work, imagine that.

Well, it went faster than....

faster than,

okay, brain fart here...

Now would be the perfect time for a clever analogy...

So when I googled "analogies" to try to steal one or two the following popped up...

Enjoy (I'll be back, only using my own words and analogies)

Here, from a blog by a woman named Judy Rose... a sampling of analogies thought up by high school students...

( #4 is my favorite..)

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a ThighMaster.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

Happy Monday...

(Enjoying a Monday back at work after having a week off is a lot like throwing up in your mouth while trying out the dog's muzzle)...