Daddio is a man who likes what he likes.
He's been known to send me on a shopping mission with a few instructions.....
"Can you find me a shirt with a 1/2 inch collar, not one of those big clown collars or a pointy one. I hate those real pointy collars. It needs to be fitted. You know I don't like wearing something that feels like a mumu. Like I'm wearing a big box. I'd rather it be a solid color. But not one of those weird colors you like. The material needs to not be too thick, but not too thin either. If it's too soft it will feel like a slip. I hate feeling like I'm wearing a woman's slip. Make sure the button at the top is not so high that it will choke me. Maybe a green one would be okay. But not the light green that looks like a leprechaun, that color sucks. I don't want any stretchy crap in it either, all cotton would be good. Maybe one that is not a wrinkled mess when it comes out of the dryer. Make sure you get long sleeves, I don't want my tattoos to show. Two buttons would be nice on the cuff, make it a small cuff, I can't stand those big cuffs, roll em up and they feel like a notebook on your forearm".
(I'm thinking of searching for the Holy Grail at the same time)
He's finicky about his lunches too...
He knows what he wants.
He can go hours and hours at work without any food...(you may have read my post about him needing to eat every two hours like a newborn, well that is only when he's home, or maybe it's only when he sees me...the sight of me makes him hungry...like a nursing newborn),
anyway, I try (every day) to pack him something good to eat.
"What did you put in there?" he asks pointing to his lunch box.
Before I can answer he flips open the top and starts thumbing through the contents.
"I don't want this" he says...
or this either."
Soon Daddio has a box filled with two bottled waters, and an apple.
Lunch fit for a king.
This morning I was planning on slipping in a sub sandwich and some red grapes.
A ham, salami, two kinds of cheese, pickles, tomatoes, mustard and a little dab of salt and pepper sub...yummmm
He walked into the kitchen while I was wrapping it up.
"Is that for me?" he asks.
"Cut it into small pieces" he instructs.
"So I can eat it while I work"
(by the time I had it cut into small pieces it was a slimy slippery mess)
"You don't have any sauce on there do you?" he yells from the living room.
"I don't want to get all sticky".
I admit that there is mustard on the sub... but I don't disclose that there are slippery pickles and I keep mum about the messy tomatoes.
He's wearing a nice solid colored not too thick not too thin 1/2 inch collared two small button sleeved green shirt and he looks nice and fresh.
I can hear it now....
"That sub dripped all over me." he will say when he comes home tonight " And it gave me a stomach ache. Don't pack me any other stuff like that to eat anymore, okay?"
"Only an apple and some grapes."
"Grapes are always good."
"Except for today...the ones you put in there today were too juicy. I need to have grapes that don't shoot out of the bottom of the casing. Or squirt when I pull them off the vine. Look at my shirt, I have grape spray all over me."
"What's for dinner?"
"Don't give me too much, I don't like those thick hamburgers, they sit in my stomach like a lead weight. I'll take a salad, but don't put any cheese in it okay, I had enough cheese today at lunch. Yeah, there was a lot of cheese on the drippy sub you sent me. Do we only have those cheap hamburger buns? I hate those buns, there's something not right with those buns, they stay in the cupboard for a month and they are still soft, but they stink. Do they make thin buns? Buns with not so much bread? You know what, don't even bother with a bun, I'll eat it on a plate. That's too much food. I only want a little bit. I think you're trying to kill me. You feed me too much."
"I ate it all, and now I'm too full. That was a lot of food on the plate you know. I think tomorrow I'm going vegetarian".
"No meat for me tomorrow"
"You have to like vegetables to be a vegetarian" I tell him.
"And when you don't eat meat, you are hungry an hour later" I remind him.
"Well maybe we could try to eat some fish." I suggest.
"I can't eat fish, you ever look at a fish up close? Maybe there is some kind of meat that isn't so heavy? Isn't so meaty?"
Jesus, grant me strength.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Whats love got to do with it?.......
Posted by Koby at 9:11 AM
Some bloggers write "gimme me some love".... as far as I'm concerned, I'd love some love, but I'd even take some hate, some expressions of your disgust, your outrage, mild irritation, sheer joy...whatever, I can take it, honestly I can. Just please (please) leave a comment or two and let me know what you think. Merci.
Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)
Exasperating? Probably. Hilarious? Definitely!ReplyDelete
See, at the point where he started in on the lunches not being right, and picking stuff out of the lunch box, I'd tell him, "Okay, pack your own damn lunch" and let him do it each day. But that's just me. I'm probably not as patient as I should be.ReplyDelete
It is hilarious...(you should live here tee-hee) and Jenn-Jenn... you've got an excellent point there. Thanks for the visit and the comment. xoxoxReplyDelete
I think I would be having him pack his own lunch and shopping for his own clothes lol.ReplyDelete
Dear PBB: I am still chuckling at this blog.. It is one of the BEST you have ever done!!!!!Do you remember when I was visiting you and you asked me to put some grapes in Daddio's lunch. I seperated them and was satisfied that they were ready for anyone to eat....NOT so good for Daddio.. Apparently I had to take out all of the stems and any other object other than the plain grape. I understand he asked you who put all of that stuff in his grapes... At the time I chuckled and said the ever famous "OH WELL".. I am now a believer and have declared you the "PATIENT LOVING WIFE OF FOREVER"....I wonder, I thought as I write this if that is why you are still married to the same man and why he loves you so much!!!!Your loving motherReplyDelete
Thanks to all who wrote...I'm worried that this post may have given my darling Daddio a bad rap???? Marmie knows firsthand they don't make them as wonderful as Daddio anymore, and also what a wonderful husband and father he is. The above exchange is a SILLY take of an ordinary day in an extraordinary relationship...ReplyDelete
Haha. Great post! I can just imagine it! Thankfully, Mr. Groom isn't too picky when it comes to food. I found you through the LBS Tea Party.ReplyDelete
He must be a really great guy despite his picky eating habits. And you, my dear, must be a saint! Very funny stuff!ReplyDelete
Were our husbands separated at birth?? My husband takes care of his own lunches and shopping... Kudos to you for finding the humor! :)ReplyDelete
I have been married to my husband for 20 years and here is the total number of times he has taken a packed lunch to work with him:ReplyDelete
Because he hates a packed lunch. He hates that the bread gets soggy. He hates that the chips are in a small bag. He hates fruit. He hates cold vegetables. He wants soda, but it must have ice. He wants hot soup but he hates to have to pour it from a thermos. He hates leftovers of any kind. He hates plastic utensils. He hates having to remember to bring real utensils home.
He hates knowing what's for lunch.
He wants to be surprised and act on a whim when it is time to eat. Wants to decide in that very moment what sounds appealing and then go get that food.
And soda with lots of ice.
Men are weird.
At least . . . our men are weird.