Mazel tov......

Yesterday The day before yesterday Two days ago on the radio someone mentioned that there are 13 (shopping) days (left) until Christmas...

hoooo-hoooo- hoooo-ly shit, yer kiddin right...???

I wouldn't be so unprepared if  I'd remembered that this year Christmas falls on the 25th....

Which truly is thirteen days from today...

But which in real reality (a doctor I know likes to use that phrase..tee-hee) means that I only have 12 shopping days left, unless I want to be in the mall with thousands of clueless, desperate men on Christmas Eve buying woman's cologne for everyone...(nah)

I get pretty stressed out this time of year, it used to be because we were really broke and I wanted to give the kids a wonderful Christmas, now I get stressed because we are really broke and I want to give the kids a wonderful Christmas...

If I'm being truthful that's not what my holiday freak out is really all about...

the truth may be that I am the worst ever gift giver, it is sooo not my love language.

Or even my first language.

In fact, the language of gift giving is downright foreign to me.

So all this pathetic in the gift giving department has my panties in an uproar and constantly trying to crawl up my azz...

The stress is morphing itself into a bitchy old monster who has taken up residence in my heart and soul...  she's not moved all her things in yet, but she's taken over like she owns the place.

I'm finding myself lashing out at innocent people (mostly cashiers and customer service reps)

and it makes me really not like myself very much these days.

I've made a conscious effort to do better...

and I was..

until yesterday.

I was in the drive thru at Comerica (a cheezy bank with numerous branches in Michigan) , I asked the teller waiting on me if she could give me their branch phone number..

"I'm afraid you'll have to call the 1-800 banking number, I don't have the number" said Mrs Teller

"Oooooo-kay" said ticking time bomb me

I dialed on my cell phone and went through seven or so minutes of prompts where I landed in lala land listening to the Comerica greeting telling me how valued I was as a customer, and how much they hated making me wait for help, but as much as they hated having me wait (because they are horrendously understaffed) they really appreciate my business and (of course) at this time of day (which is any time of day) they have an unusually high volume of calls and you will be taken care of in the order of which you were received (and all that bull crap jazz...)

repeat...

repeat....

repeat...

after listening patiently for too many minutes I again tried to get the teller to give me the top secret information...

"I've been on hold waiting for the number...you seriously don't know the phone number to your own branch...?" asked getting really hot under the collar me

"umm, nope" Mrs Teller said (with a smile, of course) "since we don't have secretaries anymore they don't allow us to give out the number"

"Well geeze..." I, simmering on slow burn, snapped and crackled and popped then said "are "they" scared that someone may need help from a manager?  have a question? need a little help?...you know could someone be in the mood to foster some type of decent client/customer/banking rep bond?

A real reality relationship with their banker? ...."

...... Oh the grinch-i-ness in my soul really spilled out.

And my teeth bared and I growled and frothed, spit and sputtered.

When I paused to take a breath I felt a bit better...

and I felt my heart (boom, boom, boom) begin to swell and a clarity took over.

I had ideas for gifts...

lots of gifts...

mostly for me...

a personal fire extinguisher (human spontaneous combustion is a real concern)
a shock collar
a muzzle
an economy sized bottle of tranquilizers
a weed card
a new Bible
a coupon for an 18 hour massage



Happy shopping... you only have 11 days left to shop, unless you can find something quality (and on your list) at Rite Aid or 7-11 and then you have 12 11 shopping left.

Hooooo-hooooo-hooo-ly shit.....