Friday, August 26, 2011

frogs and snails and puppy dog tails....

I've been trying to send my darling dear future elementary teacher son Bear an email every day.... I really miss him since he's blown me off for college.

I try to keep my messages upbeat and positive ... like this one, 

Dear Bear, 
It has been almost one (ONE FREAKIN) whole week since I've sniffed your neck, seen your pretty face in person, been asked "what we eatin"... I'm not likin this very much... just sayin.

Love, Mom

We video chat for a few minutes daily... it's okay, but it's hard to sniff his neck via a computer screen and he gives me the stink eye when I pucker up in an attempt to give him a virtual kiss on da yips.

If I'm to be honest I have to report that he looks well fed and like he's really lovin all this independence.

I'm surprised that I've not heard one single tiny smidgen of homesickness in his voice (damn it...)  even when I beg him, plead with him, order him to abandon this wild crazy dream of becoming educated and just come home... he simply laughs.

I've not resorted to offering him cold hard cash to come back to me... but the school year is young.

In other (non) related Son news...

My darling dear Sweet Prince Buttercup called yesterday and asked a loaded question...

"Ma, you'll NEVER guess what I just did....?"

Let me guess...

totaled your car...?"

chopped off a limb....??

received a citation for pubic urination...???

(he does NOT do that kind of thing, but the black cloud that likes to trail him where ever he leads may make it look like he did in fact do something like that and of course his rotten luck would have an officer standing behind his backward facing azz which would be dressed in saggin dungarees which could mistakenly make it appear as if he emptying out a half empty bottle of Mountain Dew was pissin in public...  just a scenario folks... but seriously, that kind of crap happens to him all the time... yo)

"WHAT DID YOU DOOOOOOOOOOOO..?." I cautiously questioned my dare-devilish Dennis the Menace like firstborn child.

"I'm going to be in the paper" he said.

Then continued "I shot a hole- in- one from 200 yards today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "

"The paper huh? That must be good...???"  replied I (his number one fan who knows jack about golf)

(Later I Google'd odds of making a hole in one from 200 yards...

A Golf Digest study provided many great nuggets of information,
even breaking the odds down by quality of play:
  • Tour player making an ace: 3,000 to 1

  • Low-handicapper making an ace: 5,000 to 1

  • Average player making an ace: 12,000 to 1
Some other highlights from Scheid's calculations:
  • Average player acing a 200-yard hole: 150,000 to 1... )


In addition to being breathtakingly handsome and loving to the core my Sweet P is slated to be a local golf celebrity.

In a bit more (non) related Son (in law) news....

My darling dear son (in law to be) Trouble started his teaching career yesterday. He was very prepared and looked dashingly handsome and "I mean business" in his new teacher duds.... plus he is entertaining us with cute (and a couple of hair raising) tales of life as an enthusiastic new private school music educator

His plan is to teach the world to sing, in perfect harmony.. ( I have no doubt that he will do just that) :-)

I'm proud of you, sons....

And in other (non) related news..

Something is wrong with my fair daughter Googie,.... lately I've been hearing her mumbling and grumbling under her breath.. something about being chopped liver.

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