The plan was to spend all kinds of hours corralling items to send for donation, and even more hours finding places for all the items I bought from someone else's donation(s)...
Daddio (poor and long suffering) had been heard muttering (AGAIN) under his breath something about (yet another) Horders, Buried Alive episode..
He's not alone in his thinking, and frankly I too am beginning to feel a bit suffocated by all my junk.
I'd been thinking about how much I could get done this weekend since we were off an extra day for MLK day.
Monday would be perfect as Daddio didn't have the day off and it's so much easier to work w/o him standing over my shoulder giving opinions about the value of my goods
"Its time to get rid of those deer antlers... "
"Who needs 7 rolling pins?"
"You don't need to bother disposing of these birth control pills properly, just dump em in the garbage, in 17 years I'm quite sure they've lost their potency"...
you get the drift...
For weeks I'd been playing and replaying the scenario in my mind of all the purging I was planning on doing.
Just even imagining it somehow made me feel lighter.
Googie called on Sunday afternoon "wanna go to the dentist with me tomorrow?"
"Sure, I don't have anything going" I replied.
"Maybe afterwards we can shop or hit the The Treasure Store (the Salvation Army store near my home)" I was giddy with excitement at the idea of a whole day spent with my best girl.
"there was something I wanted to do tomorrow" I told her " but at the moment it's escaped me.."
lets call it a date....
After the dentist we dined at Micky D's ... I got a cheeseburger w/o onions (that came w/o any condiments or cheese) and some salt free fries.
The burger was like eating a vacuum packed, light brown colored tumble weed.
We were on the freeway before I realized that we forgot to get a drink.
"I really seriously need a drink" I coughed out "this hamburger powder is ready to make me choke"...
"We'll be somewhere soon mom where we can get something to drink" Googie assured me.
The girl and I threw down some steps at the mall, we hit every store we ever thought of hitting and then some.
Walking past a small kiosk in the mall, a miniature gentleman waved us over.
Googie stiffened while I momentarily let down my guard and soon found my palm up and full of the shit he was selling.
He had a deep accent, was kinda cute and totally unthreatening, pretty much like the Wolf dressed as Little Red Riding Hood....
Goog's body language screamed "not interested"
We laughed out loud at his (not so smooth) salesman talk when he referred to me as "her sister"....
Goog and I had some fun with the guy and when he said his product was all natural and could not ever (under any circumstances) (never in a million years) cause a rash I had to ask him about poison ivy and it's natural-ness.
He wasn't amused, then offered a bologna-filled gush to counter my attack.
Still not convinced I had to ask..."If it is all natural, what is the smell?"
"It's hairball".. he answered
"HAIR BALL...???" I asked
"What the heck is hairball?"
Googie almost pissed herself... "he said Herbal" she said, biting the sides of her mouth to stop from cackling.
"Ohhhh, herbal" I said "I thought you said hairball and a hair ball would certainly be all natural, I guess".
He got so shook up he forgot about me being Goog's sister.
"Here, mom, sit here"... he pointed toward a chair.
"I'm her sister" I reminded him, shaking my head no and bull-crapping him back I said, "we'll be back later if I don't get a rash or hives."
"Geeze that was close" I told Goog as we narrowly escaped more of his sales pitch.
When we got back into the car and onto another freeway I remembered how thirsty I still was and I managed a weak "Googie....H2O...pleeeeeeease"...
We forgot about the drink when we saw a store called The Great Indoors and I also forgot all about my New Years Day resolution not to spend money on unnecessary home goods..
I didn't buy anything that wasn't a total necessity (Yankee tealights on clearance...come on now).
Back in the car and on to another adventure... when I remembered the water (or rather lack of)
"GOOGIE....I. need. some. AGUA, some water, some H2O..?" I was forced to gasp when Googie eye's couldn't leave the road to read my parched lips.
"Could you spit in my mouth...?" I begged.
"Ikea has water mom" Goog said " hang in there"....
The trumpets sounding when we entered IKEA had me forgetting all about my dehydrated self and I started looking for more necessities.
4 dessert plates qualified.
So did some neat kitchen towels with loops (to better hang from your apron strings, my dears)....
At the self checkout Googie placed her necessities on the scanner and I, not noticing, placed my dishes right on top of her stuff... all of a sudden, her stuff didn't seem all that steady and my dishes started to slide...
slo-mo like they slid toward the ground...
Googie Beckham tried to deflect them off her ankle bone.
The crash was heard round the store.
I stood red faced and feeling ancient (while I dug through my change purse looking for pennies to use to pay for my purchase all the while trying to act like it wasn't me that made all the noise)...
Beckham ran to get a replacement set and was back in minutes flat.
On our way out Googie pointed to an area where they sell water.
And vanilla cones.
Which worked just as good as water to quench my thirst.
We got home in time for me to half-ass tidy the kitchen and toss some slop in a pot for dinner.
"How long were you gone?" Daddio said looking around his palace for some evidence of purging progress.
"Nine hours...!!!????" He said when I told him.
"Yeah, the dentist office was packed" I explained.
(When trying to come up with a post title I thought to access the Acronym finder Random Systematic Buzz Phrase Projector, I put in today's date 1-17 and viola TOP... Total Organizational Projection popped up... I had to laugh at the irony... Total Organizational Projection which today turned out to not be jack-shit, unless you count the candles, which I
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