Tuesday, April 12, 2011


Sometimes I want to beat up my kid(s).

They're not kids anymore, really ...so I guess if I snapped and kicked some azz my charge would be a simple assault as opposed to child abuse.

I could really use a vacation (if I ended up serving time ;-)

Googie's having a medical test done tomorrow, she has to force feed herself a colon cleansing cocktail (or 15) the afternoon before the test.

Goog and the commode are about to become bff's (bf's at least until midnight).

"Remember," I say as a courtesy to Bear her younger brother "your sister will be queen of the shitter most of the late afternoon and evening tomorrow".

"You may want to get your 5th shower of the day in before she tips her first glass, which should be around 3pm".

And so it started...the negotiations, the indignation, the sheer irritation at the entire situation.

The discussion we had is not suitable for print..

After about ten minutes of trying to reason with the brute I finally flipped my lid.

"It's not negotiable!" I screamed "your sister is gonna be camped out in the crapper and there is not a damn thing you can do about it!!! my fangs were beginning to drip.

If I were in any mood to be generous, I could say that since Bear has no experience with tests of this nature that he really has no clue about how incredibly efficient and fast acting Googie's martinis are going to be....

But I wasn't in any mood and really there was absoultely no sense in trying to appeal to his inner sense of decency.

At that moment, he had none.

Little brothers can be annoying.... and Bear's big sister won't have much strength in her tiny body to fight with him tonight over a shower or much anything else.

I may have to step in, though not as a mother... no, I'm going to slip back into my big sister suit (just ask my siblings I once had a reputation as one of the meanest big sisters to walk the face of this planet)

and with that frame of mind came a new set of tools.

I once knew a kid who made a makeshift potty out of a 5 gallon bucket and a grocery bag and took a dump in the middle of the kitchen.

I have picture proof and a Facebook account.

"Bring it" snot nose.


Some bloggers write "gimme me some love".... as far as I'm concerned, I'd love some love, but I'd even take some hate, some expressions of your disgust, your outrage, mild irritation, sheer joy...whatever, I can take it, honestly I can. Just please (please) leave a comment or two and let me know what you think. Merci.