Friday, April 8, 2011

Giving notice...

A while ago, Daddio, a Miracle Whip man from way back decided to go Mayo...

"I don't like Miracle Whip anymore" he explained "it's too sweet".

This morning, as I was making Daddio's lunch, lovingly slapping two pieces of Wonder bread around a blob of wondrous egg salad (prepared with Mayo, just like he likes his egg salad, on the days he likes egg salad...) he walked into the kitchen and said..

 "You didn't use that crappy azz Mayo today did you?"

"I hate that stuff, it's not sweet at all"...

"It would have been nice of you to share that information BEFORE I mixed the egg salad" I said, irritated.

Daddio likes to change things up...

One day he likes "it".. the next day he doesn't...

somewhat like a toddler.

This week his likes and dislikes have been on my last nerve.

I've listened to complaints about "pink" oranges (that he thought were grapefruits)

"they're pink" he said "oranges aren't pink"...

"They taste the orange is an orange is an orange..." I growl

"It's like biting into a hamburger and having it taste like chicken" he tries to tie the two together...

"It is an orange and it tastes like an orange" I say

I didn't bother to go into any explanations about it being a cara cara orange...I'd just hear "could ya just buy me oranges...? could you do that?  just buy me regular oranges, why does the world have to keep changing things? things like oranges are fine like they are, no improvements are necessary, no changes need to be made, they're good."

"Oranges are good orange... not pink, oranges shouldn't be pink and then called orange..."

"I'm putting in my two weeks" I said quietly laying down the butcher knife I'd just used to cut up his orange orange.

Daddio, (shoving his leg into a pair of thick material-ed green Dockers, pants he said last week that he'd never wear again,) stopped and looked at me...

"I'm quitting this job"... I continue "I ain't workin here no mo"

If I offered you a raise, would you consider staying?" he asked.

When I laugh he figures he's off the hook and offers the following..

"Let me tell you a little something about harassment" he says... totally straight faced,

"I was ready to boot her out, but her- ass- meant too much to me."

Seriously...somewhere buried beneath the surface of that man is a guy who wears a crew cut and thick white socks....

and says things like... "E-dit!! fetch me my newspaper.."

1 comment:

  1. Mayo or miracle whip... That is the question. ;) Now I've just GOT to try some cara cara oragnes.


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