Friday, August 17, 2012

Don't trip on the pee...

Susan (you may know her as my sister, the one who doesn't read this blog) and I spent one whole entire night at the hospital recently.

There is something quite odd about sitting in a foreign place and watching the sun go down and still being there to watch it rise hours later.

Our poor, poor dad is sick a-gain.

We've all been so disgusted with the treatment our local hospital has been giving my dad that we decided in advance that if he needed to be hospitalized again that we would take him to a nationally respected teaching hospital located in the middle of the "D".

A beautiful hospital surrounded by blight and homeless people.

The busy Emergency department would only allow one of us in the Triage area.

I drew the short straw and went in....Susan took a seat in the waiting room and pulled out some homework.

I found our dad laid out on a shabby stretcher in the middle of a bustling hallway where he' d been dropped by the EMS workers.

Next to him was a young thug laying on an equally shabby stretcher.

Next to the thug was a Police Officer, who it appeared, was keeping watch.

For once I was thankful that my dad is half deaf and can't hear many things outside a very close range.

Eavesdropping I learned that the young man, (in addition to having one of the foulest mouths I've ever heard) had been the victim of police brutality... he'd been roughed up, pepper sprayed and taser-ed.

He claimed they (The PoPo) had robbed him of his diamond pinky ring, and his pocket roll.

He alternately boo-hoo'd about getting his gun swiped and trying to strike a plea bargain (with the baby-sitting cop who couldn't do anything with that if you bribed him).

The bloody red eye'd boy was attempting to get the cop to get him out of his impending CCW charge.

The punk rambled on and on and on and the officer and I would occasionally trade glances and roll our eyes.

When the baby criminal paused for a quick breath I scanned the dump for something else to take my mind off of being there.

I spotted a creature with long, bright pink and braided (think Wednesday Adams) hair.

She wore a long, colorful (mostly pink) pinafore.

Ruffled white anklet socks and Mary Jane shoes.

An equally cutesy purse swung from her forearm when she skip-walked through the hallways of the ER.

When she pranced near enough for a closer inspection I almost laughed out loud.

She had gray roots beneath her colorful braids. Crows feet, a wrinkled forehead and lots of vertical lips lines... this babe was as old as time.

Susan (who'd seen the cartoonish doll in the outside waiting area) and I later compared notes about our common "what-THE-heck" when we overheard the ancient "girl" talking about being there with her mother.

I have no doubt, not a single one that any living mother of someone this old would have been GWR (Guinness World Record) worthy, fo sure....

Tramp stamps, bursting, tattoo'd cleavage and big booties covered in small thongs (peeking out from too tight too low trousers)  were abundant in the waiting area.

And so were the men that appreciate that kind of stuff.

Hoooo-hoooo-hoooo-ly cow.... the place was buzzing with people you'd hope to never meet in a dark alley.

While my dad rested with his eyes closed I entertained myself watching people try to dodge a large stream of light colored pee that was rushing toward a drain on the floor.

(* I knew it be pee because... [not just because I happen to be a knowitall, but because] the staff kept whispering (THIS LOUD)  that there was pee on the floor)

After calling at least 10 times to the housekeeping department and being ignored a nurse finally opened a large blanket and stuck it over the pee.

Then people could walk/trip (and ohhhh did they ever) over the blanket covered pee-pee on the floor.

Shame on me, I know.

Here, in this place, at this very time to stand guard over a potential malpractice victim (he's been through the ringer folks) and all I do is bobble-head over the whole room and take notes for my blog.

Survival friends, survival.



  1. I am so sorry to hear that your Dad is back in the hospital Koby :(
    And while it made for a very colorful story I'm sorry that you had to be in that place :(
    Sending smooches and wishes for a speedy recovery for your Dad!!!

  2. Hopefully, he won't be in there long. I remember having to take my mom to a hospital ER in our downtown area, sounds like the place was similar. Those places can be crazy but oh so interesting, ha!

  3. Hope that you find a doc who knows what to do to help your Dad. Hope that he's home soon. There may be characters down there but there are also some of the finest doctors on this planet. I hope you find the one who can help. You're in my thoughts. Your fan, Needless2say

  4. Sorry your dad is in the hospital again. Sounds like some fun people watching though. xoxoxo


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