Free falling........

Ever feel like the life boat you're in, the one you're holding on dear to, is either going to spring a really big (gashing, gushing, gouging) leak or tip over and pin you underneath....?

Last night I had a horrific dream.

In the dream I was riding along a California highway.

Daddio sat in the driver's seat and the older of his two sisters rode shotgun.

I was hiding in the backseat.

Every now and then I would lift my head and peek out over Daddio's shoulder, looking at the beautiful.

(no, I didn't forget a word)

He and his sister road mostly silently, every now and then saying "oooohhh" and "ahhhhh"

"look at that" or "haaaaaang on".

I didn't have to look to see what was happening, I could feel the car rounding steep corners.

"Slow down" I yell "you're going to kill us".

We're going over the side of a mountain, I am certain.

Or we'll fall into an ocean.

At any moment the earth is going to quake and the entire car will slide into a giant sink hole when California splits wide open.

Then later in my dream I find myself in the front seat, hunkered down next to Daddio, his arm heavy around my shoulders.

"Ohhhhhhh, look at that" he says as the car sails around yet another corner, this one steeper than the last.

As the car turns, I peek out from underneath Daddio and can see nothing but sky.

Then an edge.

I close my eyes because I don't want to see what's beyond the edge.

"Look at that" Daddio says, pulling me in tight.

When I do open my eyes I can only think of the car going over the edge.

Falling to the rocks and water below.

In my dream I force myself to go beyond my apprehension.

I force myself to keep my eyes open.

Pushing past the intense fear I'm feeling.

It's so bad I hold my breath and stiffen my body against Daddio's chest.

Just as suddenly as the fear threatens to swallow me whole, it lets me go.

The sights I'm seeing are taking my breath away, but this time, it's in a good way.

What is my dream saying?

That the car could go over the edge whether or not I look to see...?

True, but when I do look and see I'm delightfully and amazingly awestruck by the beauty of the view and the experience.

The good the bad, the bad the good.

The life boat I'm in, the one I'm hanging on dear to, could possibly spring a really big, gashing, gaping leaking hole,

it could tip and hold me underneath,

or, I could muster all my strength, wiggle out from underneath and allow myself to raise to the surface.

Toward the light,

up and over the edge

where there could possibly be...

more beauty to see and experience than I could have ever imagined.

Sounds like a plan.

Thanks so much for loaning me your ear (eyes).

Sorry I can't credit where I found this photo,
 Google Images dropped me like a hot potato before I could capture the link.

PS... To Marmie and LD... I am sooo looking forward to our adventure..the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful.

What was that?

I scampered over sleeping Daddio and a smothering pile of sheets and blankets like a Jesus lizard running on water.

Seriously, I took about three giant steps, flew up, off the bed and onto the floor in seconds flat.

Then I stopped dead in my tracks.

Did I just hear what I thought I heard?

I stood silent and waited.

I cocked my head toward the sound.

My eyes scanned the clock.... 2:03 am

Then the sound came again.

The phone!!!

"THE PHONE IS RINGING AND IT IS TWO O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING"... I screeched at Daddio.

See, the thing is, I have a BIG problem with answering a phone that rings in the middle of the night...it may have something to do with the fact that I got the news of my brother's fatal accident by phone. That call came on a Sunday night around nine or nine-thirty.

For a long time I couldn't and wouldn't answer the phone on Sundays.

Phone calls after 9 pm usually bring nothing but trouble...unless you're expecting a baby in the immediate family, which we aren't.

As quickly as I was scaling Daddio and the mountains of covers  I was doing a mental tally of where my children should be.

In bed.

In bed.

In bed.

All the commotion had Daddio out of bed as well and in the split seconds it took for me to locate the ringing phone he had thrown back the blinds of our bedroom window to see if the kid's cars were where they should be too.

Reaching the phone, which had just stopped ringing , I ordered my eyes to focus and my fingers to find the TALK button.

I fumbled for the call log button.....WHO was calling in the middle of the night??????

Before I looked down to see WHO.... I remembered.

BEAR....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bear and his friends had gone to see a midnight flick (yeah, I know it's a school night..and your point is???)

 The opening night for the remake of Nightmare on Elm Street.

"Hello? Hello? Hello" I cried into the phone.

Nothing. Dead silence.

My fingers, on auto pilot, dialed Bear's number.

"Ma" he answered, his voice a whisper.

"Could you come open the door"?

"Googie locked the deadbolt".

When he stepped in the door I kissed and hugged him like he was returning from War.

"I can't take much more of this" Daddio said when I crawled over him to get back to my spot in our bed.

"People like us shouldn't have children".

Silently I thanked my Lord for safe children, the man sleeping next to me, and our strong aortas.

Aortas that have really been put to the test these past twenty four years that we've been parents.

I went to sleep thinking of home defibrillators.

And then I had a bad dream.

I'll tell you all about it on Monday.

Foaming at the mouth.....

I woke up this morning somewhat tense and in the foulest of foul moods. It took a couple of minutes for me to realize that I was stressing over a dream.

In the dream I was talking to a woman on the phone, it appeared from our conversation that she was from the bank. By the things she was saying I took it that she was going over each and every one of our check/debit card transactions.

One by one she listed where we'd shopped and what we spent.

As she continued, I figured she may be instead from a debt solutions place. She commented on our every purchase.

Line by line she read and reacted.

I didn't feel any rationalization was due when she started picking on large purchase(s) from Perfumania.

Or the one from Victoria's Secret.

I hated being treated like an errant child.

I was starting to get real pissed off until she said "Ummm, here is a $364.00 purchase made at the Rockwood Bar and Grill".

Huh?

"And how long ago was that" I snapped.

"Two days ago" she answered.

"How could someone spend $364.00 at the Rockwood Bar and Grill?" I continued.

I was starting to get a bit indignant, I just knew this was some kind of stupid bank mistake.

"It was spent on a gambling machine" she quiped "and staff tips".

My chest tightened, my face flushed.....

I was going to kill that freakin man...that idiot. The inconsiderate, selfish clod. How dare he!!! He was gonna pay for this one. And big.

Daddio gambling at the Rockwood Bar and Grill!!! Maybe he bought himself a couple of lap dances too while he was there.

(Pooooor pooooor poor Daddio. He doesn't gamble, nor use his debit card for anything other than an occasional gallon or two of gas or a set of guitar strings. There is no Rockwood Bar and Grill. And according to Daddio himself, who swears on all that is holy, that he's never ever paid anyone to squat on his lap and grind....at least he doesn't ever remember ever doing something as vile and rotten as that.)

I'll be spending today making things up to him...I growled and tried to bite him when he leaned in to give me a good morning smooch.