Friday, March 9, 2012

No appointment needed....

Not to brag or anything, but my Arm-chair Therapist/Psychologist gig/side job has been going great.

I've been dishing out advice and recommendations like I know what the hell I'm talking about.

It's a family thing, I guess.

Marmie and Googie both share whatever it is that I possess that compel people to spill their guts, ask for directions (not literally, DUH), seek our opinions about stuff.

We, in turn, give them our two pennies worth (or more depending on if we think they need it).

Are we knowitalls?..

Why hell yes, we certainly are, (just ask us).

(Mostly) all kidding aside, we do have good heads on our shoulders.

If you read this blog at all you know that I often dole out advice to my loveable thugs.

I feel like a bit of an authority on good mother/daughter relationships... I have a couple myself.

You may have read this post (this one right here) about a female loveable that hates to cry.

She and I had another deep convo the other day, would you like to be a fly on the wall and hear all about it?

Well then, read on....

"Can I talk with you a minute, when you have time" my young loveable asked.

"My mom and I are fighting real bad" she confessed when I told her "start singing lil chicky"

"A good friend, a really good friend of mine died the other day, it was a accident. This kid spent a lot of time at my house while we were growing up. I didn't want to go to the funeral home and my mom called me a heartless bitch. That hurts."

"Yeah" I said "that would hurt. You aren't a heartless bitch, that's for sure. I see all kinds of heart in you and so does she, I mean, it would be hard to miss the sweetheart of a girl that you are, just sayin."

"What exactly is your mom..." I ask, wondering if any of our previous "I hate my mom" talks have sunk in or made any impressions on her thinking about her mom.

"My mom is just a grown up girl" she answers.

"Exactly" I say.

I've told her (and many others like her my opinion about grown up girls working as mothers) sometimes they bring their childhood issues and baggage and burdens, their life worries, like bills, juggling other children, their mate, their job, their own parents, the weight of every single burden and struggle that adult woman face and have to fix and overcome and thrive in spite of, they bring it, live it, breath it... (just like you) the grownup girl is sometimes scared, may feel alone and misunderstood.

The grownup girl might feel taken advantage of, taken for granted, overwhelmed, inept,worthless and every other really pathetic feeling one can feel at times in their lives.

AND...the grownup girl is also just as awesome in every. single. way as her "growing up" daughter is.

We girls are the same, really, we want and need love and acceptance.

We crave friendship and caring and kind treatment.

Sometimes we forget that.

I've also told her my feelings on settling arguments with her mother.

One of you needs to stand up and be the bigger girl (like Dr Phil says, some body's gotta step up and be the hero), somebody needs to wrap their arms around somebody and whisper sweet loving things in the other one's ear, or write a love note or some other demonstration of " I'm sorry, I understand, I forgive, I love you, I need you"....

Make it all better.

Somebody needs to do that.

"My mom is just like me" she says "that is the problem, she IS me and I am HER"..

"Why didn't you want to go to the funeral home?" I asked "is it because you hate to cry" I say remembering our many other conversations about her hating to show that emotion in public.

"YES" she said grabbing my hand "yes, that is exactly why I didn't want to go, so many people would be there and I don't want to get emotional".

"Have you told your mother that?" I asked.

"No, she didn't give me a chance, she just called me cold and heartless."

"I can only imagine how much your mother must be hurting too" I told her

"To lose a neighborhood kid like that, she's probably putting herself in that mom's place. I know I would be doing that, feeling how awful it might feel to lose one of her kids, I don't even know the woman and my heart aches for her.

"It could have been hard for your mom to voice that, maybe?"

"While she is your mom, she is a human being and just a grown up girl, right?".

She smiles and nods her head.

"Be the hero kid" I tell her.

"Just give it a try, hug your mother and tell her you are sorry you two have been fighting and tell her WHY you were scared to go and see what she says".

When I saw her next I asked her about how things had gone with her mom.

"AWESOME" she said "thank you for all you said the other day. I went home and tried it and yesterday we spent time making bread for my dad, it was cool, we don't usually bake together, she is usually with my little sister doing that kind of thing. It was nice, really nice".

"I told my mom some of the things you said" she continued.

(Hooooo-ly shit, I hope her mom never asks for my credentials)

Worst case scenario, I could bribe Googie to come in and vouch for me, she'd agree that I do in fact (think I) know it all, and then some.

And while she's at it she can verify that I've been known to have a wicked case of chronic verbal diarrhea a time or two, here and there, every so often, on occasion.

1 comment:

  1. Thank you Beth. Your words are truly an inspiration.

    Needless 2 Say


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