Labor pains....

Soon, I'll be reinventing myself.

Like so many other times during life, big changes are a comin...

My feelings go back and forth when I see four pairs of shoes resting on my entryway floor.

Arrghhhh...can't they put their shit away...?

oh dear...this time next year there will be no clutter left there.

Okay, so who in the hell wants to trip over four pairs of shoes anyway?

Next year, the answer will be "me"...I'm sure.

When Bear was a wee boy he was so connected to his wonderful, loyal best friend (that would be ME..tee-hee) that going to school and being away from his bff was tantamount to chewing aluminum foil with a mouth full of fillings (you said "ouch" didn't you?)...

Bear was in some serious pain during our early years of separation.

The scenes played out in our home daily, the crying, the pleading, the "I can't leave you momma, I'll miss you too bad it's too many hours at school, too many hours away from you" just about killed us both..(but on a level or two I secretively loved it).

I used to joke that Bear was the perfect "last child", the perfect birth control... and that when I was finally able to pry him off from around my neck (where daily his little arms would lock when I'd try to deposit him in his classroom) ...that I wouldn't be doing that again.

Nope, no more kids for me.

Bear and I used to read the story The kissing hand... in the story the mother would kiss the hand of her baby and leave a mark...the mark would help the baby to know that his mama was with him whereever he went..(don't quote me..it's been a while)..

Often I'd lube up my smackers and plant one on his tiny hand...

When that tactic stopped working I thought up a new one,

and another new one,

and another new one,

and another new one....

One of the last things I did to help Bear navigate this big scary world without me was to spritz some of my perfume on a little stuffed animal that he would carry in his pocket...

When he needed a best friend "fix" he'd pull the small bat out and take a whiff...

And I'd be there right next to him.

"Batty" has a home in Bear's underwear and sock drawer.

He's buried deep and long forgotten, I'm sure.

The other day I asked Bear if he knew where Batty was....

"Why ma" he asked "you gonna squirt him up with some perfume and send him off to college with me?"

No Bear actually, I was hoping you would spritz him up with some of your cologne and gently tuck him in my pocket.

I'm really gonna miss tripping over four pairs of shoes in my entryway.