"Suuuuuuuuu-zen has done gone missin....

Susan my sister, (you may know her as the one who would rather read a Pop Tart ingredient list backwards (twice) than read this blog... yeah, that Susan)

anyway, Susan is missing, she's AWOL... absent w/o letting her sister know exactly when it was that she was flying (in her car) south seeking warm temperatures and her mother in law's fine cooking...

I've called her house looking for her..

about four times per hour..

I'm used to her not answering.... (this right here is how she normally "does me"....)

I'm grown accustomed to leaving message after message and getting nothing but a furrowed brow and frown lines...

Normally I'd stalk her through her kid, like most teenagers The Princess of Quite A Lot and her phone are tight... she doesn't ignore miss calls, this time though, I don't want to bother her to bother Susan.

Susan is in nursing school, and believe me, she tries to use that, and the fact that she has two relatively young children AND a job (or 3) and a few health problems as an excuse as to why she is too busy, too tired, too uninterested to gab on the phone,

I don't get it...

I mean who doesn't have time to spend listening to her sister's problems (real and imagined)...?

Who wouldn't be totally "into" (in to...?) hearing all about her sister's most recent disgust that Sears doesn't offer free shipping on over sized items (even though they advertise "Free Shipping")...

I'm getting the feeling that Susan (you know, that Susan) might be feeling a bit fed up with smoothing my ruffled feathers over things like that...

So if anyone has seen my sister Susan (the one who never reads this blog) tell her that she is in deep shit, no call to the Sister-Mom (the motherly sister who stood right beside Marmie trying to raise her into a decent and con-sid-er-ate member of society)  before she flew the coop...

Not a single call to say "don't bother calling me twenty one times a day for the next several days...I'm outta here"

Nuthin...

Now, I should dig deeper and say my true feelings...

SUSAN...you freakin idiot bimbo dumb yellow headed person.... you FORGOT our agreement,

 I am beyond devastated...

So...when you think about calling me to tell me that you forgot to call me to tell me that you and your family were preparing to leave/leaving for the holiday... forget it, don't bother, I'll be fine, I'll get through the next several hundred hours of your absence just great... sigh

( I hope your kid is reading this to you and that you are beginning to feel massive amounts of guilt... if so, my job here is done)...

Hope you have a great today... (you, the readers, not that sister of mine that would rather try and decipher Hebrew than read this blog.. PS... Princess, don't read that last part to your mom, I don't want her to get mad at me and not call me to tell me that she is sorry that she forgot to call her sister-mom and say à tout à l'heure  or even Auvoiur Simone...the bad girl...)

And furthermore dear niece your mother's  phone manners (and her piss-poor 50 year old cob-webbed memory) stink (really bad) and we may have to revisit and revamp her upbringing... just sayin.

(Princess, don't read that part aloud either, k..? Aunt Beth loves you and I assure you that if I'm ever to leave town I would certainly call your mother (even though I am quite positive that she would forget to call me) so that she would know where to find me in case of an emergency, even one as simple as Sears' cheezzzzzeeeey free shipping policy.

PSS...One last thing, I hope that if your mother took that misbehaving little dog with her on her car trip that she does something like this on the way home...

If so, let me know ASAP, I'm in the mood for a good ol hysterical belly laugh)

Waving my flag....

We don't often look at ourselves and think "what a nut job".

Even when we are.

The other day I asked my kids to answer a survey question (don't ask) asking me what made my "freak flag" fly.

What are you freaky/obsessive about?

Wow...

Loaded question.

Bear couldn't think of anything.

He did say that I was annoying, but that was all he could think of.

His sister had a list.

"Well, you are all wacky about puke." Googie offered.

"And you like perfume waaaaaaaaaaay too much"

"You have too much perfume mom, really you do"

"And you're all weird about smells."

"Oh and that phone thing."

"Yeah, you do have an issue with phone calls mom."

Hey Goog, thanks.

You are such a big help to your momma.

The Freak Flag Flier.

A couple of days ago I called my ex sister.

Often, her ringing phone goes unanswered.

I guess it may be hard to hear three different handsets ringing at the same time, but hey, whatever.

Lots of times when I call the answering machine picks up and when I start to leave a message a real live human being will answer.

Screening calls huh?

If I were the paranoid sort I might even think they were screening their calls.

So I called that no good fer nuttin lazy ass   darling sister of mine a day or two ago and left a message asking her to call me back.

The witch ignored the call.

She didn't get the message.

So I called again yesterday.

Listen you puke, call me back.

What the frick?

This is totally the last and final straw, I won't call you again...EVER!!!

Yesterday, I dialed her number and left a message.

Yeah, so yesterday I decided to give her another call.

I called her again, yesterday.

Yesterday when she didn't return my calls call I decided to leave a message.

Okay, you obviously don't want to talk to me since you never answer when I call, you never return my calls, no one gives you my messages and they never get into any trouble for that unmannerly behavior.

I'm going to stop writing about this now.

I'm feeling myself beginning to tense up.

Googie was right...I do have phone issues.

xoxoxoxo....

PS...Susan, if you are reading this..call me.